By Valerie Paradiz, PhD
Director of Special Projects, Autism Research Institute
I am an adult diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I am 47 years old but didn’t always know or understand that I was on the autism spectrum. I only found this out seven years ago, when I participated in a study at a major university research hospital in New York City. The first years after receiving the diagnosis were especially hard years. I lost jobs, I had to move several times, and attempts at relationships seemed to inevitably fail. Though I had had lots of experience in the working world and had been married in the past, it seemed as if the diagnosis coincided with a sequence of personal and professional disasters, and all due to that big red sign flashing above my head that said: “Woman with Asperger’s Syndrome.” Today, I’m confident that having the diagnosis was the very best of news I could have received. As much as it confused me for some years, it did push me to “roll up my sleeves” and get to work on some things that I just didn’t know how to address prior to knowing I had ASD. I began seeing a therapist, for example, who knew Asperger’s and adult issues well. That was a first. Gone were the days of treatment for and discussion of depression, which I had been treated for since college. Now I could focus on how to navigate relationships better, how to understand what made me vulnerable in a relationship, and what made me happy and safe. These were giant discoveries. I also began taking my sensory challenges seriously. After years of attempting to hide them or ignore them because others around me at work, in my family or elsewhere just didn’t have the same sensitivities and proneness to fatigue, I had to assert myself and actively arrange for time in my day to integrate enough deep pressure, intensive cardio exercise, and yoga to keep myself self-regulated. I had always known how to do this, but the diagnosis helped validate the fact that I had to do it a lot more often than most other people, just to get through a day well. Finally, I started taking supplements and began a gluten free diet, having read so much about how these supports can be helpful to many on the spectrum. My GI problems, which had been life long, as well as my chronic insomnia, which I recall beginning when I was a child, evaporated, as if they had never been a part of me before. And where have all these baby steps led me? This year, I got married to a most wonderful human being. I will be forever grateful that I got up the gumption to be evaluated and diagnosed. Without having taken that first leap, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to know what it’s like to be able to do more in a day, remain regulated and happy, and fall in love.
Valerie – first, let me congratulate you on your recent marriage! How wonderful:-))
Like you, I did not always take my sensory challenges seriously. This led to multiple hardships which only spiraled into more challenges. I’ve spent this past year attempting to focus on the varying degrees of sensory differences which have dominated my life, and I feel as if I am beginning to gradually make some headway. I honestly believe this has been the initiator to a smoother transition for me.
Yes, it is a transition to acceptance after a diagnosis (especially when you’ve lived half your life unaware)! I appreciate how you described the empowerment you achieved from self validation – wow!! Ditto!
I turned 46 years old this year, and after having received an AS diagnosis only a few years ago, I can honestly express how hearing from other women like yourself has had an amazingly positive impact on my life! Thank you for sharing a part of your story with all of us – I understand:-)
I often wonder if I don’t have since my daughter was diagnosed. I find myself easily agitated by certain noises that my daughter cant stand. With dealing with her and homeschooling both my daughters and work, I dont have time for me. I applaud your courage.
Valerie,
I’m so glad you were interested in being a part of this profile collective! For years, I have thought highly of you and your work, and even though there are plenty of people in the autism community know you, I hope that this will be an opportunity for even more people in the community to get to know who you are and the work you have done throughout your career.
Everyone — If you haven’t met Valerie, I hope one day you’ll get the chance. She’s a real gem in the autism community.
Valerie!
That is so encouraging to hear the huge difference the diagnosis has made ot you. I feel as though our stories have a lot in common with the fact once we had the right diagnosis we were able to work on the things that were causing other problems like ‘depression’.
Congratulations on getting married. I hope that will become a reality for me too soon. =)
Arlene
Val, thanks for writing this.
.
For so many reasons, in so many dimensions.
Groucho Marx was wrong: in the case of AWN, certainly, it is *good* to join an organization that would have you as a member
And congratulations on getting married!