Sometimes, people might not know vocabulary about sexuality and gender. Please add suggestions to the following so that we can keep each other informed! Please feel free to offer suggestions on existing definitions, too.
Bisexual- attracted to Male and Female partners; sometimes used by people who are also attracted to non-binary gender.
Pansexual- Gender is not relevant to attraction- these individuals often just say they are attracted to "people".
Multisexual- Similar to pansexual, but might have a slight preference for a specific gender so do not feel that pansexual is entirely accurate.
Homosexual- attracted to someone of the same gender or sex.
Heterosexual- attracted to someone of the opposite gender or sex (in binary gender models).
Lesbian- a Woman who is attracted to other women.
Asexual- Doesn't feel sexually attracted to other people.
Aromantic- Doesn't feel romantically attracted to others.
Homoromantic- Romantically attracted to memebers of the same gender or sex.
Heteroromantic- Romantically attracted to members of the "opposite" gender or sex.
I was happy to notice pretty quickly that there are quite a few queer women (including me) using this site. I'm not surprised, because there is a prominent policy statement on sexual diversity and inclusion, which made me feel very at home. However, I've noticed that there seem to be rather a lot of us on other autism forums. Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed this? Is there a correlation between autistic spectrum and queer sexualities? If so, why might this be? I'm new to the online autism community and curious about the possible connection. Any thoughts?
I have recently started dating a very dear friend of mine. He is patient and understanding of my disability, and has not pressured me for sex. I am twenty-years-old and am still a virgin. He the same age as me and has had sex with two other women. I am very comfortable with him and he has given me no reason not to trust him, but I'm very unsure of when it is appropriate to go beyond kissing. Both he and I get aroused, but I worry about becoming overwhelmed. He has also undressed me from the waist up and has fondled my breasts, but has not tried for anything more than this. He's very considerate, too - even the slightest nervous laugh will make him stop and ask if I'm okay.
I am curious about how other women on the spectrum lost their virginity. How did you know that you were ready? Did your autism affect your experience?
I was reading one of the other threads and someone (sorry, forget who said it) explained a lot of the stuff but mentioned not being an expert on intersex. Savannah did a good job giving a definition.
However, since sexuality is sort of my special interest and intersex conditions specifically have been, I am a semi-expert. I am however not a part of the community so that is my disclaimer.
If anyone has questions or would like information regarding the more medical/clinical definitions and other information about different intersex conditions, I am happy to help.
Throughout the literature though a lot of the phrasing/terminology changes (intersex(ed), intersex people, disorders of sex development, etc.) and there is some debate even within the community about some of this stuff.
I did a project for a class in which I prepared a complete syllabus (all reading assignments, homework, exams/papers, discussion topics, etc) for the duration of the semester. So I have quite a collection of information and suggestions for reading.
Girls and Women with an ASD, Contribute to Our New Book!
A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum
Written by Shana Nichols, PhD
Happy holidays and happy New Year everyone!
I am the lead author of the book Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum, which many of you are familiar with, in part because of your contributions of your experiences to the book. Again, thank you! I am currently writing a companion book for pre-teen and teen girls themselves to read titled A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum. My co-author, Brigid Rankowski, is a college student with AS. This book is under contract with Jessica Kingsley Publishers, and at this time we are looking for short contributions from girls and women.
If you (as an adult on the spectrum), or your daughter would be interested in sharing an experience, or advice related to growing up as a female with an ASD, I would love to hear from you. We are looking for 50-200 word narratives about any topic related to growing up. Some examples include:
As you can see, wrong pronouns are used along with other, for a lack of a better word, problematic language. (This kind of thing is popular in the cissexist media.) But, anyways...
What I can't understand is why autism would make it impossible for one to be transsexual. A friend of mine was diagnosed with AS and, when she spoke to her doctor about being transsexual, the idea of her being transsexual was dismissed as the cr*zy talk of an obsessed aspie. *sigh*
Have you heard of this kind of thing? For example, have you heard of someone's transsexuality being dismissed as impossible on account of Simon Baron-Cohen's testosterone theories?
Neurodiverse people seem to be often asexualised and degendered by mental health professionals. This sort of thing only serves to paint us all inhuman.
Hallow...checking to see if there are any other polyamorous aspies here. I have 2 male partners...I call one my main partner because I live with him and run businesses with him, and have been with him a good deal longer than the fella I refer to as my "other" partner.
My main partner has another girl besides me, and sometimes may casually see other people from time to time.
I have that option, but I am plenty fixated on my other partner who is also on the spectrum..He has a real hard time with females and people in general, and we were friends for years before we ever dated....and we happen to sort of "present" in a similar way...
It was a long and treacherous road I went down before finally becoming poly..and I know I am in the minority, but the way our relationship is structured kinda really works...I think....
My main partner gets to have other partners who are more "engaged" and socially dynamic than I am, and my other partner gets to have all the space he needs...as do I...
Like any relationship, ours takes work, but I really don't think it is any more dysfunctional than a conventional monogamous relationship might be.
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction for other people. It is usually considered rare, but I feel we need to mention it here as differences in sexuality, asexual and otherwise, appear to be more common in the ASD community.
If you have any feeling that you might be asexual or otherwise disinterested in sexual activity, I encourage you to read all that you can find on asexuality. Get to know yourself and your limits, and be firm about what you will and will not do.
If you currently have a partner it's very important you discuss this with them so they learn your likes and dislikes and respect them. If they don't accept that you don't want to do certain activities, move on and find someone who will respect you. Remember that saying 'no' to a sexual activity has the weight of the law behind it.
I'm both and it really makes it harder to date someone. I should go in bars or cafés but I can't...there are so many straight ppl, but finding a woman - who is able to deal with my character - is hard. I had a relationship with a boy but it wasn't the right thing for me. (At this time I thought that I'm bi, after the relationship, I'm quite sure about being a lesbian only.)