disappeared into the woodwork...
Ever feel like as soon as someone or a group finds out that you have Autism/Aspergers, that you kind of dissapear into the woodwork, and no one seems to notice you are there anymore? This is the feeling I am having right now. I am a volunteer board member for our areas Challenger League Baseball organization. It is adaptive baseball for persons with disabilities. My son played his first year last year. They had said that they were short board memebers and anyone can join the board. I went to their first meeting, and my job is to do the background checks, but I have still not heard of anything as to the computer program that I need, or any info at all as to what I am supposed to doing. I get their group e-mails, of things are going on, but I feel like I am being left out of it all. Applications are already being taken and are due sometime this month for the players and the volunteer coaches. I wasn't able to make it to one meeting( the 2nd),, but will be going to the next one that is this Wednesday. I feel left out the the communication circle. I have e-mailed about this a couple times, and have heard nothing back. I just sent an e-maiil asking if anyone is even recieveing my e-mails. When people hear Aspergers, do they just assume it equals incompetent? We had introductions, and I am now wishing I didn't say anything about my Aspergers, but it IS a program for persons with disabilites. I just hope that they don't have the attutude like Autism Speaks and disreguards all persons with disabilities unable to handle the tasks that are required of a board member, etc. grrrrr. It is so frusterating.
p.s. and while I have several things bothering me right now, all my husband can think of is sex. don't men think at all of anything else?
I feel this way a lot too. I find though that if I communicate that I feel out of the loop, and could someone tell me whatever it is specifically that I need info on, the other people are quick to try to make sure I feel included. So why don't you try sending a polite email about how you feel a little "out of the loop", and were curious if there was any new info about the topics you need info on? let them know you aren't sure what your next step would be, because you aren't sure that you have all the info.
Only exception I've had, one of the other people took me aside and exlained why, social signals wise, I wasn't being included, and that she didn't think it was my fault but rather lack of understanding of what my spectrumness means on a practical level with the other people. (this was a contributing factor, along w/the economy, to me losing my job there.) It's entirely possible that I've been left out but didn't have someone to let me know like that, though.
lol, why don't you ask about that in another area on the forum, the sex thing? I'm sure it's a common issue. maybe in the health one. . .
Sounds like they didn't communicate it in a way you could understand the first time. :(
Sometimes we assume that NT's have their acts together so to speak - especially when they are on committees and the like. I have discovered in the past from serving on committees that sometimes if no information comes through the people are very disorganised and cant prioritise. They may not even give a thought to the people who lack information because they just continue bad habits that they have formed over the years.
Volunteer Boards often aren't run well and lack good structure (the structure we need). They tend to run on an ad hoc basis with people taking up task because it seems like the best thing at the time. People also get stuck in roles and they do things just because they've done them for years.
Honestly I would ask them if they have a 'position description' for a board member and find out what exactly they expect and what your responsibilities are. If they don't have that kind of structure or description available to you then I think that perhaps they are the kind of organisation that is not one that you can make a meaningful contribution to.
I have been in the same place as you and ended up resigning and finding another more well organised group that was more deserving of my time - the well run one's always have time for your contribution (if elected) as they are assured of their function and roles.
Hope this is helpful.
I have a couple of guesses as to what might be going on there, but I can't say for sure.
I've had that experience, too, where I disclose my AS and it's received with a terrible silence. I suspect that people are just uncomfortable with it, and they don't really know what it means or what they're supposed to do. Even when you provide them practical information, they may still feel uncomfortable. Maybe this is what's happening to you.
Another possibility is that they're just not very well-organized. My money's on this possibility. They sound like they've got their heads up their butts.
Either way, communication would seem to be the way around it- but you may have to speak loudly if their heads are truly stuck.
I've tended to feel this way with respect to my extended family. Not so much professionally. In fact, I've tended to take on leadership roles, and I think I did this to avoid feeling quite so left out. Lately, I've invited my own family over to our place, which affords me a chance to interact as a host. This has gone a bit better for me.
For much of my life, I've felt a deep sadness, and it comes from a sense that my father, who sets the tone in our family, never formed an empathetic attachment to me. Although he believes he has AS himself, I believe that my own autistic mannerisms were repulsive to him. When I adopted a child who is more severely autistic than either of us are, my dad's reaction was "that sort of thing doesn't interest me." He said, "Unlike you, I don't collect strays."
In his own way, he has been generous and helpful to us. And I don't for a moment take these gestures for granted. People love in the manner that they can, not necessarily in the way we would were we in their shoes. What we have lacked is a relaxed and trusting connection, and time and distance haven't improved matters any.
I sure hope this meeting goes better, Genisa.