Hello from Minneapolis
My name is Melanie and my family and I moved to Minnesota a couple of years ago from Oregon (born and raised). I am married and my husband and I have been parenting our nephews for 10 years. The oldest (male 14) has a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome.
I love research, facts, order/structure, study and simple living. I enjoy being outdoors. I especially love long walks in the woods or on the beach. I love to explore. I love large body's of water (ocean, large lakes, etc). I feel quite safe in those places. I love the sun and azure blue sky's. I love boating/sailing. I love love love the SNOW!! I love a fireplace, the heat is the best. I love the feeling of being all snuggled up under heavy blankets.
Hummmm got a bit carried away...... I am in search of reciprical support and education on Aspergers. For my son/nephew? Sure, however personally I am looking for similarity in others for me. I am exhausted from a lifetime of putting myself out there to face life when it hurts sooooo much. Thank you for inviting me to join this forum.
Hi Melanie.
My heart goes out to you. My son was diagnosed, then my father diagnosed himself, and then it sank in. I'd been on support groups helping family members cope with the challenges of communicating between AS and NT, and I realized I understood the AS side of things and championed it far more passionately than the NT side of things. That was a major "ah ha" moment for me. I read Liane Willey's book to try to understand my son better, but I didn't see my son in that book at all. I saw myself, and it was scary for me, to face all the pain of my early years and how I had struggled. I still struggle but am more at peace now.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Thanks for the welcome. I listened to a recorded interview with Temple Grandin on blogtalkradio today. I appreciate her basic approach to guiding children and adolescents with ASD to successful living. Is there someone that powerful teaching experiencially (live it themselves)adult women about their ASD and how to live successful lives?
Please, when you have a moment would you point my nose in the direction of resource and help?
Sincerely,
Melanie
Where I live cognitive behavioral therapy (a form of psychotherapy) is considered the best hope for helping teens and adults HF ASD. Personally, I find counseling very helpful. There are also, in many areas, support groups that organize social activities for adults with AS/HFA. I have comorbid intestinal challenges, so I am also on the GFCF diet.
Often support groups will offer buddies, mentors and advocates to help with challenging situations, with the courts, at the job site, with landlords, etc.
What issues in particular do you need help with?
Dear Califmom,
Thank you. It seems to center in the heart doesn't it. I listened to a bit of the interview with Liane Willey. So I recognize the name today!
Pain......that's exactly the word that sums up the color of my heart. It is sooooo hardddd.
I have looked at some sites that offer a list of symptoms or behaviors that are evident in ASD adults. Not such a good match, similar. Would you be willing to talk with me about your diagnosis and how you live day to day with this?
Sincerely, Melanie
I am not sure. I have no formal diagnosis only our son does. I just know that after 4 years of therapy, medication, sleep studies, several diagnosis I still want to jump out of my own skin regularly and I am exhausted from the effort. I have challenged myself hard over the past 4 years so I am no longer a prisoner in my own home and I can force change the train of negative thought patterns running through my head. It is constant vigilent hard work. what would you say is the number one source of help/relief that a person living with aspergers has/uses? Are these adults inclined to push through the social fears and live outwardly normal looking lives?
Also, are there any active national websites focuing exclusively on adult aspies?
Well, I think this group is terrific. There is also the OASIS website, which is international and lists many resources. So definitely check that out. You will find some terrific links on that site.
Yes, adults with AS can and often do live lives that are surprisingly normal. I'm 47 and only recently accepted that I very likely have it. Up until now, I've gone to school and worked and had friends and pretty much gotten along, on the surface, as if I am pretty average in most things to gifted in my areas of interest. My dad is a scientist and educator. He is remarkably gifted. My husband is a lead engineer and does quite well. Personally, I am a writer, and I have made a comfortable living doing it.
Yes, I find the difference is centered in the heart, very much so. I'd characterize AS as a combination of processing challenges coupled with tremendous anxiety. I personally think the Theory of Mind challenges are over-played. As you will see on this site, adults with AS and HFA can be deeply empathetic.
Anxiety has nearly destroyed my health. My mouth is a mess from clinching and grinding, and my gut is riddled with disease. I can function normally and put on a very good show of it, but the price I pay is that I kill myself by degrees as I subject myself to that pressure. I have had to learn to take things a bit slower and to focus on a few things that are most important to me: my kids and my interests.
I've also learned that I simply don't have the resources to be a social butterfly. I can have a few friends and a marriage and my kids and this novel I'm working on from home, but that's about it. The seemingly boundless energy that some of my NT friends enjoy is really something, and I wish I had it. Accepting my AS has meant facing up to the fact that I really need to choose my battles and reduce stress in my life. Therapy has been great for helping me to recognize this.
My husband and I are very fortunate in that we make a good income and can afford attorneys to assist us with my son's IEP. Thank goodness. The stress from going head to head with my son's district is agonizing. (I do well enough on the surface, but the stress I feel internally is what I have a hard time handling.) Now I let my son's attorneys speak for us. This works better and helps me to maintain my calm and my objectivity.
People who cannot afford private attorneys can get help from advocates and legal aide societies and really do quite well that way. The trick is to join support groups and find out what resources in your area are available to you and what can be patched together to help you with your and your family's unique challenges. Some of these groups are listed on the OASIS site (our local groups are) and via Meet-Up (on the web).
It sounds like you have already made amazing progress!
Each letter that you laid down here formed a word that illustrated almost every hour of my life. I am just now moving through the stages of acceptance. I don't know what it is that I have but I do know ..... by way of data gathering....... that what ever it is reduced me to life as an agoraphobic until 4 years ago. The anxiety even sedated was intolerable. I could not put enough on it or keep busy enough or run fast enough or spend fast enough or gorge myself beyond over the top full enough or hide deeply enough to make it go away. I have experimented with many medications and have worked with a Psychiatrist regularly for those 4 years. I continue to work with the Psychiatrist. My life has no real joy in it. That which I do have is contrived and mimicked. I tend to be rather serious. Deep conversations are the only ones that I engage in. As you pointed out, there have been many things that have improved for me. I am very grateful for that. I am looking forward to continuing our conversations. I will be checking out the website that you saved for me.
Melanie C
Hi, Melanie
. Welcome.
Thank you for the welcome Runaway....
Hey Melanie! Welcome!!!
Savannah Nicole Logsdon-Breakstone Director of Advocacy 
Thank you for the welcome, Savannah...
Silly side here, but I love the Pink Panther and detective Cluso and even the Pink Panther cartoons and theme song!
When I read other women's comments about their struggles I have to say I feel sad, but in a way more at ease with myself. It is just comforting to know that my own sadness over so many misteps in life, are shared by women in the world I don't even know. This sense of community is soul saving for me. It's like I'm a little girl who finally has friends to open hidden treasure boxes filled with nothing but good stuff.
Hello! I'm from MN too! Do you know where is there support for adults with AS in MN?
Liberrygrrl
Welcome Melanie! It can be such a tough and painful process coming to grips with the diagnosis of ASD within ourselves but also such a relief as well.
I have found so much support from talking to others with ASD and learning tips from them in how they handle their challenges.
You mentioned about not finding good information about the symptoms of ASD in adults. Not sure if this will help but on my blog (link in my sig below) I have a great checklist of symptoms of Aspergers in girls/women which really brought home to me that I have Asperger's. It was like someone had been following me around taking notes.
I hope you can find the information you are after.
I have gone to the adult Asperger's monthly support group at the Autism Society of Minnesota in St. Paul just off of University. I rarely go because of my poor night vision.
It's wonderful to be in a room where it's okay to look at the table as I'm talking. It's validating to hear from others and learn from others.
They're at http://www.ausm.org
I'm up in Brooklyn Park, so if you live up this way, and you decide to go, I'd love to get a ride to the meeting!
Eileen.
Melanie, welcome! I joined about two weeks ago, I think. I'm 58 and I was diagnosed with Asperger's about two years ago. I started having suspicions some time after two nephews were diagnosed with it.
I really try to resist being angry about going through neglect and abuse throughout childhood and adolescence, being called lazy, stupid, crazy, and bad. And adulthood wasn't much easier. I'm determined to try to move on. But I feel that to understand what's going on enough to be productive and have a satisfying life from now on, I have to revisit the past.
It is a huge help to come here and read other women's experiences, because I keep having these "aha!" moments of recognition. It's such a comfort to know I'm not alone, and I can share my experiences here, and I know members here will understand.
Melanie, I've found that keeping a journal is a big help. Also, I belong to a local chapter of GRASP. We have a support group that meets once a month, and our next meeting is tomorrow. We've also got a listserv to keep us involved in between meetings. I can't tell you what a comfort that is. The first time I walked into a room full of 40 or so Aspies, it was as if I'd discovered my own breed, finally, after over half a century of living. It's a different culture. Sometimes it's almost as if we're a different species. It was such a relief when the guy who runs the group said, "You're safe here. You can be yourself." Truly, there is nowhere else on the planet--including with my family--where I can be myself. I don't have to be a shape-shifter in that room.
Knowing, and having the diagnosis, has been bittersweet because of all the lost years in my past, but it has given me some peace. It has made a big difference finally having an answer and knowing what was going on. I don't go around dwelling on it all the time, but I'm aware, in certain social situations, that Asperger's could announce itself, and being aware of it, I can handle social situations better.
I don't know what state you're in. I'm in Pennsylvania, and a state psychiatrist evaluated and diagnosed me. It was free of charge. You might want to get in touch with GRASP, see if they have a local support group you can join, or even if they don't (they're on Facebook), you could get involved online, and they might be able to guide you to places where you could find some guidance.
I wish you the best of luck. We get bad press for being cold and unfeeling, but I have the deepest compassion for anyone who has gone through what I've gone through. I can't change the past, but I can try to learn from it. I've got a damaged psyche to deal with, but at least I know that now.
Stay strong!
Welcome Melanie!! So glad you joined us. I know you will find a lot of support over here & so many of us recognized the *aspie* in us before our diagnosis or self-identification. I'm looking forward to your posts!